Death Is Your Saviour
by tomsgirl79
Summary: A ‘what size razor blades’ fic. Monologue exploring Harry’s feelings in the build up to the sixth year. Contains no halfblood prince spoilers. Prequel to Darkness is the absence of light.


Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. They belong to a well-known author called J.K. Rowling (what do you mean you have never heard of her?) the plot is mine however (what do you mean it has no plot?)

_Why do we kill people who are killing people to show that killing people is wrong?  
_- Holly Near

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**Death Is Your Saviour**

I cannot stand the waiting. I would feel better if I knew what was coming. I want this to end now. It has gone on long enough.

Sometimes I worry that I will not be able to do it. People are so fragile, so dispensable.

The pain of my loss never lessens, I just get used to it. My friends sense this but react differently.

She wants to talk about, says I would feel better.

How can I talk about it? I am so frightened that if I let this pain out, it will swallow me whole. If I let this pain out, I will end up in st mungo's. Even if I were to face this fear, I would not know where to start.

He stops her from digging further. He stops the world from digging to far. He covers for me when I cannot quite get it together. Wherever we go, what ever we do I know he has my back. For that I will be eternally grateful. If the worst happens I hope that, he knows that.

Their relationship has changed over the summer. Its not like it was before. I want to feel happy for them. They are my friends but…. part of me wants to scream how could you? He is dead, how can you carry on? He is no longer with us. The world should have stopped turning but it carries on. The world has not stopped and neither can. I have to see this through. I have to end this.

This war has pulled the school together. Former enemies are now fighting side by side. They all support me. Sometimes I worry that they expect too much. I am just a wizard, no one special and yet they look to me to save them. Sometimes I worry that I will not be able to do it. Some times, I worry that when the time comes, I will fail them.

Every one treats me differently now. They talk to me in hushed tones. I can feel them silently willing me on further. I can feel them reassuring them selves that I will save them. I will stop him.

Him, my hated enemy, the destroyer of so much. I hate him so much for all the pain he has caused. Sometimes I frighten my self because I hate him so much.

There are times when I question whether I can do it. Can I lower my self to his level? Can I take a life?

Then I think of all the innocents I will save. Surely one innocent life is greater then his. I think of my parents sacrifice. How they died so I could stop him.

He needs to be stopped. I worry that I will not be able to do it. To finish him off. I worry that I will fail every one. Sometimes I wonder if I will be good enough to pass this test. The fear I felt for my O.W.LS pales into insignificance compared to this.

At my lowest time she appears. She pulls me up to my normal level. She reassures me that I will be able to do it. That I have a lifetime to stop him.

I really do not know what I would do without them. My world is held together by love.

Life is so fragile. It can be snuffed out is a second. I could not bear to lose any of them and yet I know I will.

I know I have to do this. There is no one else. I think this puts more pressure on me. If there were someone else then I think I could bare it more. If there was someone, I could talk to. My friends try to understand and I thank them for it but they will never know the full extent of the pressure on me. The weight of the entire world is on my shoulders.

Yet, I have the love and support of my friends. I know those who have past on still love me and this helps me to continue. The thoughts that they are there waiting for me helps me cope knowing that I could be killed at any moment.

I cannot help wondering what will happen I fail. Will he achieve complete domination or will he die? If I die before him, is it possible that I leave him mortally wounded? Will he leave me mortally wounded? I am after all just a wizard, the chosen one, and savoir of the world, best friend, and lover.

I am just Harry, Harry Potter.

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A/N

No prize for guessing whom this is.


End file.
